For this blog, we’re talking about Brave Self-Priority aka putting yourself first.
Oooo, as a community, we are SO uncomfortable with putting ourselves first.
Some reasons I’ve heard from our community…
- “I don’t want people to think I’m selfish.”
- “It’s just easier if [they] get what they want.”
- “I don’t want to be a burden.” (it me, y’all)
I want to be clear on the difference between selfishness and putting yourself first.
Selfish has this connotation of…I’m gonna do me always and I don’t care what others think or how it impacts people’s lives.
Whereas, self-prioritization is: I get to take care of myself because I love myself.
Yes, sometimes putting yourself first is going to make others uncomfortable…but not always. Putting yourself first doesn’t have to be at the expense of your relationships, your empathy for others, or how you show love to the people in your life.
What if putting yourself first actually improves your relationships? To others and yourself?
So why is Brave Self-Priority so hard for our community?
As folks with immigrant roots, we usually received the message that if you’re not giving to others, then you’re selfish. We’ve also seen our families give so much of themselves to others.
For example, in my Filipino culture, there’s this martyrdom that we see in our matriarchs model. Our mothers overextend themselves and take on tasks without being asked and then wear their overextension as a badge of honor. The message this sends to us is: You show love through self-sacrifice.
We carry this lesson with us everywhere.
Some real-life community examples that I’ve been told:
- Going to nursing school because their parents wanted them to
- Staying at a job they hate because they don’t want to burden their colleagues with extra work by leaving
- Going to a sushi restaurant because others wanted to even though they’re allergic to fish
As you can see, this self-sacrifice can manifest in all sorts of ways.
My offer to you is: Self-sacrifice for the sake of pleasing others is a cycle that you get to break.
Why is Brave Self-Priority important?
When we are constantly prioritizing others’ needs before our own, we start to disconnect from who we really are and what we really want. We’re essentially telling ourselves, “you’re not that important” over and over again.
We start believing that we are not deserving of getting our needs and wants to be fulfilled.
We start living lives that feel like we are serving others instead of serving our individual dreams.
You are so deserving of a free and fulfilled life.
How to practice Brave Self-Priority
To start, I want to invite you to focus on ALL THE GOODNESS that will come from you prioritizing yourself, instead of worrying about all the discomfort that will come from this new way of operating.
👉🏾 Give yourself 15 minutes to brainstorm (uncensored, unedited) to the prompt:
“What are the good things that will come from me prioritizing me?”
Challenge: come up with at least 10 things.
Because, in my work, I have seen countless amazing things come from my clients prioritizing themselves.
Speaking of which! This email was inspired by Lizzie, a former Living Bravely client, and her entering a season of “bish, me first”. Please feel free to adopt her mantra as your own (it’s real catchy 😉).