“Never enough” feeling is self-limiting, and can be debilitating. When you feel like you’re not doing enough, you can become a slave to the idea that you have to have more.
I went to a live event one weekend where I was surrounded by women entrepreneurs.
One of those women has made over $600k in her business this year so far.
And…she has the same thoughts of “it’s not enough” as I do, making far less than that.
Similarly, when I coach my clients, I often hear:
“I’m not doing enough.”
“I’m not working hard enough.”
“I’m not reaching my goals fast enough.”
And when I ask them to quantify what “enough” would look like, usually it’s very hard for them to answer.
We keep moving this ambiguous bar of “enough” higher and higher, no matter what we achieve. It’s a way for us to continue pushing ourselves while not being able to enjoy what we have done.
Why is it so hard for us to just feel and BELIEVE that we have enough and have achieved enough?
As folks with immigrant roots, we strive to do more and more. Work harder, make more money, achieve more goals.
This striving was essential to our families’ survival. It drove them to do the work that was required to provide for what we needed.
While we witnessed this incredible drive, what we didn’t see was the CELEBRATION of what they had done. We didn’t see the joy of consistently having food on the table, or the happiness of a great report card. We received more of an “ok, good, keep going” message.
We weren’t taught to be motivated AND appreciate what we’ve done.
On a larger scale, we live in a patriarchal capitalistic society – one that benefits from our belief, especially as folks of color, that we need to keep producing more and more and more.
Because if we believed we had done enough, maybe we would rest for a bit (and not produce so hard), or actually enjoy what we’ve created.
And so the bar of “enough” continues to be unreachable, no matter what.
We become motivated from a place of LACK rather than a place of DESIRE, which drains us and deprives us of the happiness we are trying to reach with that enoughness.
How to Challenge the “Never Enough” Thoughts
I invite you to get REALLY specific on what “enough” is for you.
Get curious about it. Quantify it, measure it, get really clear on what enough looks like.
For example, if you’re looking for a job, maybe doing “enough” looks like…
- Applying to 2 jobs per day
- Reaching out to 3 people per week
- Researching 3 companies per month
Or if you’re looking to make more money, figuring out how much you’d like based on the cost of your needs, travel, shopping, experiences, savings, etc. Rather than generating an arbitrary number, just because it sounds better.
And then…give yourself permission to celebrate when you’ve reached your “enough”.
Ready to bravely define what enough looks like for you?
Join my Living Bravely Program. This is a clarity and courage program tailored for 1st & 2nd generation immigrants of color. Through a culturally-centered and trauma-informed approach, you will be supported to get clear on your calling and make a brave career change.